Today [Monday, 24th April 2017] marks the day, We as your parents asked you to do something which for you is life changing. Today is the day you move Primary School, Mid year. I know saying this is life changing may for many sound as though I am being dramatic, but I know for you this is how it feels.
I think I downplayed to you what a big deal it is for two reasons. Firstly, because I moved Primary school alot. It ended up not being much of a big deal to me.
However, as I reflect and think about you walking around a school where you don’t know the Teacher’s names, where the toilets are or what time your year group goes in for lunch. I feel a pang of guilt, and that is the second reason. Guilt.
This for you is huge. I am sorry. I am sorry you had to change schools. And more than that I am sorry the reason you had to change schools makes you feel like you are less important than your siblings, like you are not our priority.
It is hard being you, I know that. I too was the eldest of four siblings. You get a certain level of responsibility placed on your shoulders just because you happened to enter the world first. Sometimes it is a blessing and sometimes it’s a pain in the arse.
You are a very clever boy. Wiser and older in many ways than your mere nine years require. We as a family are very open. We talk about a lot of different things and we try to communicate in a way that you understand, but sometimes your little brain can’t always truly understand the complexities life throws at us.
You know that you moved schools, predominantly because we moved house, but really it was because of your brother. You had to go to his school. He couldn’t move to your school, and although you know this is because your previous school couldn’t meet Zachary’s needs in the way that your new school can. It still sucks and I get that.
As most people are aware Zachary has ASD, Autism Spectrum Disorder. You are a wonderful big brother, so caring and kind and you make us so proud the way that you will look out for your little brothers.
You know that Zachary’s brain works a little differently and we often have to make allowances for him and I know that your little brain, is fighting against itself. One part thinking logically and saying you know it is because Zachary struggles and certain things are different for him and the other half of your brain is screaming “IT’S NOT FAIR”.
I also know there is a big difference between Zachary being allowed to endless watch the same YouTube videos over and over and making you change schools. I also know, like everything life throws at you, you just get on with it and you will rock it. Even though you are scared.
I hate that you are having to leave your friends. Friendships you have spent the past five years building. I know that there are people at your old school who you cannot imagine them being people you used to know.
I promise, I will do my best so you will have the opportunity to stay in touch with these friends. The day you told your class you were going to be leaving, some of the boys cried, a group of girls picked flowers for you and on your last week you came home and your class mates had signed your polo shirt. I had parents asking me after school if it were true and telling me how much their child would miss you, what a lovely boy you and how sad their child would be. This in all honesty let me know you would be OK at your new school.
You have completed your first term at your new school and after a few minor teething problems, you seem to be making a nice group of friends, You have had and lost your first girlfriend, been given a significant part in your school play and had a funfilled sports day.
Your new teachers have said you are a pleasure teach and that you are an enthusiastic learner. I am looking forward to watching you progress in Year five, when you go back and are no longer the ‘new’ kid.
I think this school is pushing you both academically and personally and I believe this is a good thing as it will encourage and allow you to continue growing into a wonderful young man.
I have so much love for you.
Your Mama x