⇒ For those of you that follow me on || Intsagram|| you will know that I love to write long captions. I often write whole little stories. I decided to start a hashtag, I choose a picture every week and write my musings about it here. I will post on Instagram with the hashtag #talesofmymotherhood.
|| More than just Flowers ||
Zachary can sometimes struggle with his emotions, especially big emotions. I know this is nothing strange when it come to five year old’s. Heaven knows at the grand old age of 32, I do too. I have learnt to ‘read’ Zachary and I have learnt to preempt what many of his ‘triggers’ are. A lot of the challenges Zachary faces due to his Autism are the same as any other child his age, however it tends to be the intensity and frequency that sets him apart. When I collected Zachary from school on Friday he came out with this huge grin, ran up to me and hugged me. He tried to pick me up and he was talking ten to the dozen. I could tell you what was going to happen next, just by those first few seconds.
Zachary was what having what I call a ‘high’. He gets so excited that he struggles to listen, control his body and behaviour and goes for want of a better word, a little loopy. It is great to see him so happy, but I know, that it is not genuine happiness, he has rocketed off the arousal charts, as the occupational therapist would say. Way past the bit which allows him to be calm and regulated, and we all know what goes up must come down. I knew he was going to crash and I knew that crash was going to end up with him becoming overwhelmed with emotions and tears. So. Many. Tears.
As he was walking home, I could see him getting higher and higher, although others may have perceived him as getting naughtier and naughtier. Throwing his coat on the floor, kicking the pushchair, screeching, trying to run into the road. My main focus at this point was trying to distract him. I started talking about what he had done at school, and I asked him about the line he has in his Mother’s day play. “My Mummy looks after me and my brothers“. He repeated the line to me and then started saying “No, No, No” and then the flood gates opened and big tears which clung onto his eyelashes, plopped down his face. He was talking really fast and I couldn’t quite understand what he was saying. We stopped walking and I got down to his eye level, held him firmly by the shoulders and asked why he was crying.
“Flowers, the yellow flowers”
I asked what yellow flowers and in his own way which included, words, pointing and signing. He told me that when we were walking with his big brother Oliver, he stepped on a yellow flower and now the flower is dead. He was absolutely distraught. I hugged him tight. I told him it is OK, That there are more flowers, he kept sobbing and sobbing. After a discussion, we decided we would buy some yellow flowers from the shop. Once the floodgates opened he began crying about every little detail of what was happening around him , everything was wrong, this is not uncommon when he crashes and is something that happens frequently at school. He wanted to walk with Daddy and for me to drive the car [I don’t drive]. He wanted to see his brother, His coat was too blue, His legs were too short, Ezra was was his sister. He sobbed and sobbed and at times just lay on the floor, consumed by these feelings. Thankfully Daddy came and drove him home in the car [that was too big and too hot] and he cried the whole way.
I continued walking and on the way home I bought an 80p bunch of daffodils and I gave them to him when I got home. Every day this weekend he has spoke about how big and strong the flowers have got and how he wants to plant them outside. I think we may have to plant some daffodil bulbs in the front garden. So those little yellow flowers are so much more then flowers. They symbolise what a beautiful heart Zachary has. I hope he forever has the ability to feel deeply and I hope that in time he will learn little tricks, like buying a bunch of little yellow flowers to help him process those emotions.
I love you Zachary, just like you love those little yellow flowers.
♥ Do any of your children experience these highs and crashes, whilst they are trying to figure out this world around whether they have additional needs or not. Emotions are so big and so consuming its not surprising our little people can sometimes struggle with them.
Much love and many thanks