Repetitive Insanity

I’ve always felt like my brain didn’t work like other peoples. Is this something everyone feels? I feel like my brain is one step from exploding… Why can’t I just be normal.

I am going to put both of my hands up and admit I am not a natural Housewife or Mother.  Naturally I am actually pretty bad at them both, particularly the first. A big part of this is my lack of organisation and inability to prioritise.

One of my biggest problems is I am lazy. I don’t want to put the work in today that will make for an easier tomorrow. I am unorganised, I never know where anything is. I start tasks and then leave them half completed. I may do something for a day or two, but then it just becomes another thing that I started, but didn’t finish.

This is my life.

This is the way I am programmed. I felt like I was faulty. I would see all my friends who although they weren’t perfect, they could manage and even excel at being a Mother and a Housewife. Unfortunately for me that was their life and this was mine.

My friends and family whom I love dearly would say things like “I come to see you not your house“.  People would say ” You have four children, You’ve just had a baby, You are still breastfeeding, You’ve just had a c section, You have a child with special needs…” All of them kindly making excuses for me.

The list would go on and on and although I appreciated the moral support. It never got the dishes done, did the vacuuming , changed the bedding or made sure the bathroom was cleaned. I would spend so much time on Facebook and social media as a distraction looking at other people lives and wishing it were mine. Wishing my house was clean, wishing I had time to clean the windows and skirting boards, do some crafting and take awesome photographs for a new blog post I didn’t have time to write.

I couldn’t understand how my friends could spend 1-2 hours per day cleaning and their houses were immaculate, yet I would spend 8-9 hours cleaning and my house would look worse than when I started or after 1 hour after cleaning somewhere it would be messy again.

I tried writing lists, I tried decluttering, I tried cleaning a room a day, I tried cleaning the whole house in a day . I tried to complete cleaning challenges such as Fly-Lady, but nothing ever worked. I was just too overwhelmed. I couldn’t do it all.

I would feel like such a failure and my brain would go into overdrive. Telling me how rubbish I am, How I was a terrible person, I didn’t deserve my family, I was an awful wife, my children would be better off with someone else. I was constantly surrounded and overwhelmed by the negativity, both mentally and physically.

I think there was more to this, than me just being lazy. When I sat and thought about it,  had moved a lot as a child, for very valid reasons. I don’t mean three or four times, I am talking about almost hitting the late teens when in comes to the numbers, and with every house move there was a new school too. I am adept at moving and its not all negative, I think this is why I am so good at talking to people and finding common ground. You have to if you want to make friends, when you keep being the new girl.

In the past twelve years I have lived in ELEVEN properties, that is averaging  one year and one month in a property in that same time period I have had four children. Although some places I have been for a few months and a few that were over a year or two. I [we] have never really stayed anywhere long enough to really and truly call it home. In all honesty I didn’t know how to make a home.

That is when I started thinking, for years and years now. I have been moving from house to house, changing location, property type, property size expecting for something to change. Expecting somewhere to become home. It never has. Then one day it hit me. Ever heard the definition of insanity that was apparently coined by Albert Einstein [this is highly disputed] anyway it goes like this

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results ” – Albert Einstein

image sourced from Kushandwizdom.tumblr

For years and years I have been carrying the weight physically and mentally of all this stuff and moving it all those times, every move collecting  of the emotional and literal baggage,  hoping I could just keep doing the same thing and somehow it would change. That my friend is INSANITY.

After much soul searching and research, I came across the concept of minimalism and from the get go it has had me hooked. I have just moved house [again] and have decided that as a family minimalism will benefit us all, especially me. I can officially say I am no longer INSANE… I am trying something different and the best part of it is, in this short period of time I am already noticing significant changes. I will not go into that in this post,but there will certainly be more posts about my journey into minimalism.

Sometimes we have to break free of our comfort zones in order to begin creating the life we truly want and deserve. This is something I would never have believed applied to me, but one of the things I am finding and cannot wait to share with you all, is how minimalism is so much more than just getting rid of stuff. It is changing the way I think and feel, it is literally life changing.

Thank you, for taking the time to read this post. I hope if you is have been down this road, it will help you to rememeber how far you have come and if you are right at the beginning, feeling overwhelmed and full anxiety, know that there is another way. Gosh, I sound a little hippy dippy, but I don’t care because for the first time in years and years I am seeing growth within myself and my Motherhood and with my relationship with my husband and that is something I thought wasn’t meant for me. It wasn’t my life, but it is! It is refreshing and inspiring. I’m gonna shut up now, but seriously

Much love and many thanks


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