At the beginning of this month I wrote what I guess is the kind of prequel to this post. I don’t know if this is the right terminology, but I am running with it. You can read it here. I spoke candidly about how I was struggling and how I was really feeling. I admitted that I suffer with what I call low level/ functioning depression. There are times when it is more oppressive and has a more dominating influence over my daily life. Although at the time it can be all consuming and the thoughts are hard to ignore, I try and remind myself it comes in waves and that if I can just ride it out I will get to the other side.
I wrote the post whilst I was in the midst of it. One: To get the thoughts out of my head and Two: To let anyone else feeling the same know that they aren’t alone. I consciously try to be pretty truthful on my Social Media platforms, but even I still gloss over certain things. I am glad to say that I appear to have come out of the other side. It was a long dark eight weeks, but the oppressive, negative, all consuming feeling has passed. I am feeling a lot more mentally stable and on more of an even keel.
Where Am I Now?
As I said above I am feeling a lot more stable than before. I re read my previous post before writing this and it was quite painful to read myself trying to verbalise how much anguish I felt internally. Now I feel freer and lighter than I did before. I’m more in control of my words, thoughts and actions. I am focusing on the positives, the small wins in everyday. Instead of beating myself up every day and comparing myself to others. I am thanking myself for all that I achieve, actively staying positive and focusing on where I want to be.
One of the side effects of how I felt was I couldn’t write for the blog. The words wouldn’t flow and frustration and self doubt kicked in and they kicked bloody hard. At one point I actually thought about giving blogging for good. There was a part of me that felt I had let myself down, after setting goals in January and then doing nothing to make sure I did my best to hit them. I had to have a word with myself and remind myself that the priority was my mental health and getting through how I felt.
Now I am feeling more focused and inspired and am hoping and more importantly planning to create some new content on various subject matters which I really hope you will like. If you are new here, I promise my content will become more positive, cohesive and consistent. If you are someone who regularly reads my blog, whether you like and comment on posts or just read and remain in the background. I genuinely thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your support. To every one that responded to my last post thank you for letting me know I am not alone in how I felt and also for letting me know that me sharing was helpful for you too.
Much love and many thanks