We Need To Talk


Let’s Talk

I don’t know if sharing this is the right thing to do? I apologise if it is a little too raw for some. But we need to talk… About me.

Last year I was struggling. To the point more than one friend suggested I go and see the GP. I was certain the issue was my hormonal based birth control. So when that changed in December and I entered January feeling like I could achieve anything and everything. I confirmed what I had been hoping, it was the birth control.

But here we are in March and although I am going through some personal issues that are undoubtedly affecting my moods. It’s back. That feeling. The emptiness in the pit of my stomach. And even more heartbreaking, I can see the cycle repeating itself. It always does.

I have long suspected that I suffer with what I call low level/ functional depression. I feel so done right now. I just want to say I don’t want to harm myself. I just don’t want to feel what I am feeling right now. I know this will pass. It may be in a few days or weeks or months, but it will pass. The intensity also fluctuates throughout the day.  I feel so frustrated at the way that I feel. I have so much to be grateful for.

What I am I feeling

But I am tired, of being positive, of being strong, of being me. Constantly ending back in this place. I am angry that as I feel myself spiralling the first things to go are the things I need the most. I hate being stuck in my head. I love company, because I can drown it all out with the voices of others.

I have some amazing things coming my way in the next few weeks, but in all honesty all I feel is dread. It’s a kind of emptiness. I know when the mist clears and I can see more clearly and I re read these words I feel like I over exaggerated. But right now this is how I feel.

Why Share

I wanted to share this post incase anyone else is feeling like this. Maybe start some conversations? To show that what you see on line, isn’t always the full picture. To show I am struggling too. I know I will be OK. I always am. But right now it sucks!

One major thing I am feeling right now is overwhelmed, with life in general. With stuff and the feeling of being consumed with things and stuff. I am going to be focusing on minimising again as I felt that really helped before. I am going to start with my phone, apps, emails, photos etc. I will also focus on the stuff in my house and the thoughts in my head. Even just writing this down has helped.

I haven’t written this for attention. Please know I have lots of people around me I can turn to if I started to feel it was more than I could cope with. I just wanted to say, I’m not OK and that is OK.

Much love and many thanks




  1. March 6, 2018 / 8:05 pm

    I know these feelings only to well. I know all the tiggers but it still doesn’t make it any easier. Talking about it helps but I always think does anyone actually want to know.

    Huge hugs, I’m here for you x
    Rachel recently posted…#MyHeartyLife | 9My Profile

    • March 11, 2018 / 11:59 am

      Hi Rachel,

      Thanks for your comment. I’ve never really questioned if people want to know specifically about what is going on with me, but I know I like to know I am not alone in the way I feel. I have also experienced people DM’ing me and thanking me and being really honest. I find it cathartic writing so see it as win win. Even if you don’t share publicly, I think it’s always good to open up. Thank you for your kind words x

  2. March 4, 2018 / 9:52 pm

    I hear you…every step of the way. Well done for writing & sharing…it’s so important to talk xx

  3. T
    March 4, 2018 / 9:45 pm

    Thanks so much for sharing this. This pretty much sums up how I feel a lot of the time. I tend to mask the feelings with keeping busy, but then the exhaustion kicks in and I no longer have the energy to hide it. I admire you so much for putting this out there. And it has actually helped me to feel like it’s not just me. Although….. I wish it wasn’t either of us. Big hugs! We will get through! Xx

  4. March 4, 2018 / 9:43 pm

    You don’t need to apologise for how you feel Cherie. We use a different part of the brain when we write and it can be so cathartic. It takes courage to be honest and then hit publish. It can be so overwhelming this mothering gig and there is little space for recharging or re-connecting when we constantly dividing ourselves up to meet everyone’s needs but our own. How true that the thinks that help us slip so quickly. I’m pleased to hear you have good support and I hope the promise of Spring brings with it some light and energy and a little mojo. I suffer with PMS now in a way I never did pre-children and the low level depression you describe comes up for me because my anxiety is amplified when I’m hormonal. It can be so hard to know what causes it this week has shown me that even other people’s stuff can have a deep effect on my emotions that I don’t even realise until I’m feeling swallowed up by it. Tiny strategies that go some way to helping – a daily walk, taking magnesium, evening primrose oil and B vitamin supplements, journalling, singing with the boys, steering clear of sugar (I don’t achieve this but at least I can congratulate myself on being moderate when I’m being mindful!). Decluttering your life including on-line stuff is sure to help especially as you’ve found peace in it before. Take care lovely and thanks for sharing, you’re not alone x
    Nic@nipitinthebud recently posted…#myheartylife | 9My Profile

  5. March 4, 2018 / 8:43 pm

    It’s good to talk about this as not many (in fact I don’t know one blogger or online mama that does so) mental health and the less talked about aspects of motherhood needs to be shared more and by more mothers in general, we need to all have these important conversations, even if it’s with ourselves in a mirror you know?.

    Much love as always
    Hannah recently posted…New Changes//My Profile

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